The position of Donald Trump’s vice president brings with it the kind of job safety only found among nervous snake handlers and crash-test dummies.
One of the biggest questions swirling around Donald Trump’s reelection campaign – aside from “Will he or won’t he be a convicted felon?” and “Are we really doing this again, people?” – is a tricky one: Who will be the former president and current criminal defendant’s vice presidential candidate?
That anyone would consider applying for the job is remarkable. It’s like asking for volunteers to report for sticking-your-finger-in-a-light-socket duty. The position of Trump’s vice president brings with it the kind of job safety only found among nervous snake handlers and crash-test dummies.
And yet, people are actually vying for the gig. A pack of them descended on South Florida this weekend to debase themselves before a twice-impeached former one-term president who demands absolute loyalty while dispensing none.
Among the reported contenders are billionaire North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum, New York Rep. Elise Stefanik, former GOP presidential candidate Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina and Sen. J.D. Vance of Ohio.
Florida Sen. Marco Rubio – who once called Trump a “con artist” and said that “he has spent his entire career sticking it to the little guy” – was there as well, presumably traveling in his hermetically sealed Bubble of Hypocrisy.
Also in contention for the VP slot, I assume, is a full-length mirror that tells Trump how handsome he is every time he gazes into it and a golden box that emits a recorded message – “You’re absolutely right, sir!” – whenever a button on top of it is pressed.
Notably absent from the Cynical South Florida Keister Smooch Fest of 2024 was former actual Vice President Mike Pence, who had the audacity to not help Trump do a coup and is now persona non grata in the MAGA wing of the GOP. That a former president’s own vice president won’t even endorse his current presidential run is a staggering fact that’s often overlooked, probably because that former president is already drowning in dozens of indictments and keeps falling asleep during his first criminal trial.
Whatever Trump took away from this weekend’s parade of potential victims, the timing of his decision is anybody’s guess.
Newt Gingrich, who swapped his spine for a MAGA hat some time ago, told USA TODAY: “I’m relaxing and watching to see what (Trump) does; he will only do it out of intuition.”
Ah, yes. That famous Trump intuition. The one that led to repeated bankruptcies and business failures and a failed reelection bid and a small army of former Cabinet members whom he hired and now describes as a collection of ninnies and jerks.
Rather than posit which sucker Trump will wind up picking (although my money’s on the compliment-dispensing mirror), it seems easier to map out the requirements for the position of Trump’s vice presidential candidate.
Any of the morally pliable folks who pandered their way to South Florida this weekend have a chance at getting picked. But like I said, if we’re being honest, the full-length mirror is a clear front-runner.
One of the biggest questions swirling around Donald Trump’s reelection campaign – aside from “Will he or won’t he be a convicted felon?” and “Are we really doing this again, people?” – is a tricky one: Who will be the former president and current criminal defendant’s vice presidential candidate?
That anyone would consider applying for the job is remarkable. It’s like asking for volunteers to report for sticking-your-finger-in-a-light-socket duty. The position of Trump’s vice president brings with it the kind of job safety only found among nervous snake handlers and crash-test dummies.
And yet, people are actually vying for the gig. A pack of them descended on South Florida this weekend to debase themselves before a twice-impeached former one-term president who demands absolute loyalty while dispensing none.
Among the reported contenders are billionaire North Dakota Gov. Doug Burgum, New York Rep. Elise Stefanik, former GOP presidential candidate Sen. Tim Scott of South Carolina and Sen. J.D. Vance of Ohio.
Florida Sen. Marco Rubio – who once called Trump a “con artist” and said that “he has spent his entire career sticking it to the little guy” – was there as well, presumably traveling in his hermetically sealed Bubble of Hypocrisy.
Also in contention for the VP slot, I assume, is a full-length mirror that tells Trump how handsome he is every time he gazes into it and a golden box that emits a recorded message – “You’re absolutely right, sir!” – whenever a button on top of it is pressed.
Notably absent from the Cynical South Florida Keister Smooch Fest of 2024 was former actual Vice President Mike Pence, who had the audacity to not help Trump do a coup and is now persona non grata in the MAGA wing of the GOP. That a former president’s own vice president won’t even endorse his current presidential run is a staggering fact that’s often overlooked, probably because that former president is already drowning in dozens of indictments and keeps falling asleep during his first criminal trial.
Whatever Trump took away from this weekend’s parade of potential victims, the timing of his decision is anybody’s guess.
Newt Gingrich, who swapped his spine for a MAGA hat some time ago, told USA TODAY: “I’m relaxing and watching to see what (Trump) does; he will only do it out of intuition.”
Ah, yes. That famous Trump intuition. The one that led to repeated bankruptcies and business failures and a failed reelection bid and a small army of former Cabinet members whom he hired and now describes as a collection of ninnies and jerks.
Rather than posit which sucker Trump will wind up picking (although my money’s on the compliment-dispensing mirror), it seems easier to map out the requirements for the position of Trump’s vice presidential candidate.
Accusing Joe Biden and other Democrats of running a “Gestapo administration”, Donald Trump slammed Fulton County DA Fani Willis and special counsel Jack Smith.
After Donald Trump’s ex-aide Hope Hicks testified in court that he told her to deny an affair with adult film star Stormy Daniels, the former US president addressed a fundraiser at Mar-a-Lago and blasted prosecutors for threatening to send him to jail.
Following the first week of his hush money trial in New York, Trump returned on Friday night to his Florida home, where some 400 legislators and contributors attended a luncheon.
During his ninety-minute speech, he expressed surprise at becoming the first former president to face criminal charges.
Accusing Joe Biden and other Democrats of running a “Gestapo administration”, Trump slammed Fulton County DA Fani Willis and special counsel Jack Smith.
On Friday, team led by special counsel Smith acknowledged that certain evidence in the case against Trump for allegedly keeping classified documents at his Florida residence may not be in the same order FBI agents discovered it when they searched the Mar-a-Lago compound in August 2022.
The presumed Republican nominee is facing 88 criminal accusations in four different state and federal cases, including one under Willis for allegedly interfering with the outcomes of the 2020 election in Georgia.
